Contemplating death helps us to really value life | Letters

Letters: Say the thing, mend the relationship, share the story – and then get on with living, says end-of-life doula Rebecca Jo-Rushdy, while Jane Andrew thinks EM Forster said it best What struck me most about this article ( What end-of-life experts know about living well: love your wrinkles, celebrate birthdays and don’t obsess over work, 13 August ) is the idea that preparing for the end of life can actually help us live more fully now. As an end-of-life doula, I have seen how a terminal diagnosis can suddenly bring clarity. The things that once felt urgent often fall away, while relationships, memories, unfinished conversations and the question of what we leave behind become profoundly important. But I don’t believe that we should have to wait for a diagnosis to begin that work. We often think of “getting our affairs in order” as something practical: writing a will, sorting passwords or deciding what happens to our possessions. Yet there is something much more human underneath all of this.

It is about asking: what matters to me? What do I want my family to know? What stories, photographs, objects or values do I want to pass on? And, perhaps most importantly, what can I let go of so that the people I love are not left carrying unnecessary burdens? I have come to see this as creating a joyful legacy. Decluttering, when approached this way, isn’t simply about having a tidier home.

It can be a way of making space for the life we are actually living – while making things a little easier for those who may one day have to sort through what we leave behind. The article rightly reminds us that none of us knows how much time we have. Perhaps the most loving response to that uncertainty is not to fear death, but to use its inevitability as an invitation: say the thing, mend the relationship, celebrate the birthday, sort the photographs, share the story – and then get on with living. Rebecca Jo-Rushdy Edinburgh I recently recovered from major cancer surgery, and Sarah Phillips’ article rang very true. Being forced to embrace my own mortality has helped me find what truly shines in ordinary life. EM Forster put it so well: “Death destroys a man: the idea of Death saves him”.

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