My relationship with food was broken. Then I killed my own dinner

A 24‑year‑old former food‑obsessed student, now a producer for the hunting‑media brand MeatEater, recounts how hunting her first white‑tailed doe in Wyoming in the fall of 2021 shattered her long‑standing relationship with food. After shooting the animal from 184 yards, she knelt beside the still‑warm carcass, feeling a surge of tears and apology, and watched her guide field‑dress the animal whose body was “full of fat,” a stark contrast to the lean ideal she had chased through dieting, intermittent fasting and extreme exercise. The visceral encounter with the doe’s “waxy, gelatinous” fat, which protected the kidneys and belly, forced her to confront the irony of striving for a “great shape” defined by low body fat while the healthy animal thrived on the opposite.

The experience dovetailed with broader cultural shifts that have brought hunting and meat consumption into mainstream conversation. MeatEater, founded around Steven Rinella’s television show, saw its audience explode during the COVID‑19 pandemic, attracting ethical vegans, curious outdoorspeople and suburban families confronting rising meat prices—ground beef rose from $3.88 per pound in March 2020 to $6.92 by the time of writing, a 78 % increase. This surge in interest has linked hunting to conservation, especially as white‑tailed deer overpopulation threatens ecosystem balance and the survival of less adaptable species like mule deer. The author’s personal journey mirrors this trend, moving from a childhood of occasional venison meals with her father to a professional role that emphasizes sustainable harvest and the nutritional value of wild game.

Psychologist Dr. Hannah Carl, who treats eating‑disorder patients, explains that the author’s oscillation between viewing food as fuel and as an enemy is a common pattern among those with disordered eating, rooted in societal pressures that equate thinness with health. By confronting the doe’s natural fat stores and recognizing the animal’s vitality, the author began to reframe her own body’s needs, shifting away from punitive dieting toward a more compassionate perspective. The narrative suggests that direct engagement with the source of meat—through hunting, field‑dressing, and cooking—can catalyze a deeper appreciation for bodily health and the ecological role of wildlife, offering a potential pathway for others struggling with similar food‑related anxieties.

⚡ Effects Interpreter