'People forget we exist': Why older LGBTQ+ people fear losing identity

Older LGBTQ+ adults in England are facing a stark reality of heightened social isolation, poorer health and limited finances compared with their heterosexual peers, according to a new report from the Centre for Ageing Better. The study highlights the risk that, without specialist support, this growing demographic could be forced “back into the closet” when seeking care, even delaying needed treatment out of fear of homophobia. Voices such as 75‑year‑old lesbian Mindy Meleyal, who has witnessed the evolution of LGBT rights from the 1967 decriminalisation to the 2014 introduction of same‑sex marriage, illustrate how age compounds invisibility; she recounts being repeatedly assumed to be straight and, on one occasion, having a nurse refer to her partner Linda as her husband while she was recovering from a stroke. Adam Porter, a housing development manager with the LGBT Foundation, reports that older clients often hide wedding photos or remove trans flags when carers visit, and some have even encountered carers who “pray for them” regarding their sexuality. To counter this, Porter is helping launch Kindred House, Manchester’s first LGBTQ+ extra‑care housing scheme for people over 55, offering 80 self‑contained apartments with 24‑hour support staff trained in LGBTQ+ inclusion.

The report underscores that ageism now intersects with a lifetime of homophobia and transphobia, creating a unique set of challenges for older queer people. Because many were beyond child‑rearing age when same‑sex adoption became legal, they are less likely to have children and more often estranged from families, leaving them without traditional support networks. Data show that over half of gay and bisexual men aged 65 and older live alone, compared with less than a quarter of heterosexual men, while bisexual women aged 50‑64 are twice as likely as straight women to live alone. Moreover, only half of gay and bisexual men over 50 say they would definitely have someone to help them if needed, a gap of 14 percentage points from heterosexual men. These isolation metrics translate into poorer health outcomes and heightened vulnerability when accessing services, as illustrated by Norman Goodman, a 75‑year‑old bisexual man who relies on his partner Tony and a “chosen family” of friends and neighbours, yet worries about discrimination should he require formal care in the future.

The findings have prompted calls for systemic change, with advocates urging broader implementation of inclusive housing and care models like Kindred House. Such schemes already exist in Spain, Sweden, Germany, the United States and Canada, but remain scarce in the UK. Stakeholders argue that training for nurses, doctors and carers is essential to prevent the “horror stories” of mistreatment in nursing homes that older LGBTQ+ individuals fear. By creating environments where queer elders can live openly without concealing their identities, projects like Kindred House aim to spark conversations about how best to support this marginalized group, reduce isolation, and ensure equitable access to health and social services as the population ages.

⚡ Effects Interpreter